4)+Kayla+Cohen

Grown Up ABC's The ABC's are the classics of time. Ever since the beginning we have learned these and they have helped us through all of our school lives, so here they are again one more time..... Always going to be a sucess if you can work hard Best times start when we wake up ready to start Certainlly you won't be ignored for brillance Daring to go the distance Every time you walk in it may feel bad but you dont relise you leave a little smarter Friends are what we meet when we agree to learn and listen Great memories will follow you along the way Hallways rushing with vivid livelyness Intisipation will keep you looking foward for more Just think how close you are to sucess Keeping your eyes on the prize will make you win every time Laughing in class is automatic when you have as much fun as we did M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Future progress "THERE IS NOW A CURE FOR THE FLU!!!" and "BUSH CALLS WAR ON IRAN" These are ups and downs techology brings us. We make progress everyday. It may be good or bad but that is something that happenes automatically. We cant help doing this. Alot of our progress happened on accident. That has brought us good and bad things all the time. For instance some ood things that happened was that it helps us in health. Somethings we have in health we wouldnt have without technology. Even now technology is keeping some people alive! With all the machines that we have in the hospital we can keep peoples heart going or we can instantly tell if something is wrong with a patient. We also can rely on technology for location. What I mean by this is that somrtimes we need help finding something or someplace and with things like GPS systems and sites like google maps we can easily find what we want without getting lost. Also I feel that it helps us with information better now then ever. We all know that we cant bring someone back to life and ask them what happened in their time, we also cant go back in time to observe a certain scene and instantly get an answer without being there for most of our lives. So with that the most used thing in the world was invented the internet. The internet is the most helpful and harmful thing invented ever. It can basically do everything and anything we want and program it to do. Saying all of this there is bound to be some downs of all of it. With our helpful "companion" the internet it helped us bring to the world things that do more harm then help. We made things like cars and trucks which do help us get from place to place. In reture you have to think about one simple thing.....air. Air is one of the vital things we need to survive and everytime we choose a car over walking and biking we poison that air. Its not just air we shouldbe worried about but our health I think that we have the most influence on us. I'm pretty sure you're thinking that's crazy, you can't influence yourself. Accually that (in my opinion) is wrong. When I say "us" I﻿ mean, not the media, or your peers, but we as a people influence each other. One way or another we influence each other all the time. The whole world does it but lets look at a more smaller version say Wilkinsburg. I'm not saying that the minute you walk outside with a nice outfit or anything and somebody acknowledges it they want it. If they see the outfit on numerous occations they may wantit but not very likely. They will eventually after some time they will think of that outfit and think "hmmm I want that". It happens to be one of the 10 commandments. "Tho shall not covenet." This means that if you see something nice that someone else has you want it. This happens all the time. Sure everyone is individual, but all the time someone wants someone or something makes you want something. In the real wold we covenet everything clothes, traits, even in war! All the time, all over the world, people create something that people will want and when this happens we covenet. For another example in the education system (school) kids are always influencing each other. Sometimes the big kids influence the little kids, sometimes the teachers influence the kids. It all depends on if your giving into the influence. You have the same classes and subjects as some people and at times what looks fun and more important you are distacted from what you should be doing and that is because you saw what those other kids were doing and gave into it. Yes this is something you hear from your parents and your teachers everyday but from a 13 year-olds perspective, as a student and as an average african american teen it is always a decition that you have weather to give into it or not. Everyday if you come in and in your mind you think Im nit going to act out or misbehave and yet you come and do the sam ething everyday. You keep it up until you realise that all your dreams that you wanted that should have come after school cant be completed because of you giving into all of the "fun". Does anybody accually stop in the face of trouble and say what if? Not really. From time to time you do forget but everytime when you give into the influence its not by accident you want that. You

Good Job Kayla- I like the creativity. Not as research-based as I was looking for, but a good and interesting paper. I appreciate your willingness to think outside the box. Don't lose that as you continue on the academic journey. Unfortunately, school can have a way of crushing creativity. Don't let it do that to you. Keep working hard though and reading and writing as much as possible. It doesn't matter if you are doing "assigned" work or not. Let me know if I can help.

Kayla- I really like your narrative. Great job changing the tense of your narrative. I looked at it, and it looks like you did a good job changing it to past tense. I'm impressed at your ability to understand that quickly and make the changes. Good job. YOu also, as i have said before, did an excellent job describing the scene, the people, and general story. Often in your writing, you use commas where you should use periods. This is really an easy fix. Commas should be used to separate lists in a sentence, as you do in the second sentence (The air was thick with sulfur, barbecue, and the screams of joy from little kids.) You are a great writer. Good job. fourth of july wrong  it was the fourth of july, the air was thick with sulfur, barbeque, and the screams of joy from little kids. while teenagers went around hid and lit small but powerful ninja dynamite, scaring the color off of little kids and adults faces. left and right you saw on the ground remains of firework tubes, sparklers, matches, and even lighters. it was the time of the year where noise didnt matter, kids could run in the streets and play with fire, and the sky was brought to life with colorful bright lights of all colors and sorts. the kids run on candy, cake, soda, food, and the thrill of "almost blowing their fingers off with a rocket" flowing through their system. the adults stood in the background laughing, drinking, and ﻿stayed in enough focus to yell every now and then "if you do that your going to lose something". there on the scene was my dad, who was on leave from the military for a couple of months, my grandma, who had been nice enough to let us set off fireworks in her backyard, my aunt, who was goofy enough sober half drunk lighting bottle rockets, my cousins, all ran on an over drive of sugar, carelessly lighting random things from the mystery box full of surprising noises, explosives, and colorful lights when lit, and me, who was armed with matches, lighters, inscents, and pockets full of fireworks. one would have thought that an eight year old running around lighting random things from her pocket was dangerous, but on that day it was okay, AND its NOT where the trouble started. way past one o'clock my aunt had reached the point where was offically dangerous to be drunk and playing with fireworks. she grabed a bottle rocket from the box and knew that you cant stick one in the ground but did anyway. no one knew what she was doing so by the time she yelled" these things take off from the ground right?" it went off in a confusing to look at sparks and jerk movements that didnt take off from the ground. i stood by my dads car to take a break and watch the sky go off in a dazzling red, white, and blue. the next thing i knew is i heard my dad scream "kayla get out of the way!!!!", but it was too late. the rocket shot toward me superfast and hit my shoe. out of panic and fear the shoe that got hit fell off as i jumped on the car behind me while the it bounced between the belly of the car and the ground. i yelled at everyone to get me down because it went off and the show thats suppose to go off in the sky, made a seemingly life threatening explosion on the ground underneath me. the rocket only lasted for few seconds 10, but the time it took for my dad to run and grab me off the car to wait for the rocket finish its dangerous dance beneath the car seemed to take forever. i didnt cry but in fact i laughed with fear and happiness that i was still alive. my dad checked me to make sure i wasnt missing anything or burned from the flame. although im fine i went to my aunt and told her that could have killed me but while i was screaming at her i was also planning how to get back at her. i desided on lighting a couple of ninja dynamite sticks next to her wine cooler. but still even after laughing at her when she goes around screaming at the loud explotion that just went off by her hand, i couldnt help but feel like i was still in danger of catching fire. i learned alot of things that weekend, if your going to be somewhere blowing things sky high the least you can do is be with family. also my aunt is the last person you want to be around when she is drunk on the forth of july, and even if you are going to be with her dont let her anywhere near the fireworks. i also learned that 1: if in any danger at all you can count on somebody in this case i can count on my dad, 2: drinking and doing anything that if one wrong move could land you in the hospital for a week is a untimeingly dangerously bad idea, and 3: even though sometimes things may take a small turn for the worse there is always something to either save you or just make you feel better. =)  Kayla- Good job. Keep writing. You are doing an excellent job with description. Keep telling the story and end with a lesson if you are able. I do want to work on the tense issue and maybe we can work on that as a class.   Great job so far Kayla. Your writing skills are really showcased in this format. I love the "vivid description" in the first paragraph and the description of the setting in the second. I would still work on writing in the past tense instead of the present. Does this make sense? "My aunt reached the point...." instead of "my aunt reaches." This is a minor problem, and one that is an easy fix if we work at it. You are a great writer and this is a great start to a narrative. Good job, and keep working hard.   whoa!!! look at those waves i gotta get in there. all i know is that this could be a once in a lifetime chance. i could just chicken out and never get to experince this ever again. im an awsome surfer and i have rode waves pretty big but this one was a monster. i know that when surfing anything is possible drowning, wipe outs,sharks, but i dnot care im gonna ride this wave and prove myself brave and conquering. i swim out there and wait for it to build up height and speed and when it gets close to its peak i stood up only to wobble at first then after regaining balence slowly start to be engulfed inside what one would call a look at raw beauty. the brilliant teal blue, the sun hitting the water so perfect to make it shine with boldness. the small fish swimming by in the wave only stopping to glance at me and get pushed on by the force inside. i keep going even though i want to stay in this brilliant tunnel of blue shine i have to leave before the reality of the danger and force of this wave kills me even i take one last look around say goodbye to the beauty i will possible never see again and leave i get back to the beach sit on the shore and let the small waves brush against my feet. i tell it goodbye and thank it as well.

i know that it is wrong for two teachers to have sexual relations in the school during school hours because what if the kids see that and think if they get to do it then so can we. thats the kind of stuff you can save for home because it doesnt matter if you didnt think you were going to get caught all that matters is that you r risking exposing inappropreate content to children that are way under the age for this.

i think that the world would seem more as one and less as contry fighting against each other if it would be less dependant on money and more dependant on helping each other and discussing the problem rather than imediatly waging war.

discussion in better than violence becuase it saves lives

a world working together could be more productive

Sorry I didn't get a chance to help you yesterday. I will help you out today. Just remind me. i really think you are a great writer. This paper can be more organized, but it has some great thoughts. Keep up the work Kayla. You are doing well.

4)i think that the countries need to stop fighting each other over money and start fighting.....well stop fighting period. there are so many effects of money that have conciquences that could cost us dearly. no, money cant do alot things it all depends on what the person is doing with it. personally i think its stupid to give something essintial from the ground we need to survive and give it such worthless cause to fight over. if the world wasnt based on finances we would never need war or crime or most things caused by money. it would give the world a different view and try to start over by helping starving nations eat, supporting things like homeless families, and nations suffering from natural disaters across the globe rise again to be even stronger. also why should we send our loved ones to go and fight for a stupid cause? we shouldnt they should be home with us sleeping easy without any worry that they could be bombed or murdered in the middle of the night. nobody likes to think about these things and even more horrible nobody wants to see this happen. why not just forget the money and all the hate and war and simply base everything on nothing and help everyone. that would be even more reasonable.

rather han everytime someone or some country makes an action based on helping their own we call war on them, insted why not they just sit down talk it out and agree on something that will benifit both nations. for instance with 9/11 they could have thought maybe if we call up who ever can help with this and talk, and possibly settle on a trade like you give our country water and we will give you something of equal value like PEACE. or even with racisim why not people could see where each other is coming from and deside if they were right or not. sometimes money blinds people from what is important. if you are someone with brothers or sisters and you fight at home then sooner or later you realize you live with this person until otherwise. its the same thing with the world we all live in the same place on the same planet. fighting will only make it harder for not on them but you as well. being on earth we were are and always will be one whole you will never be able to escape the war unless you change it and they can get along with everyone else here. being at war with everyone willnot solve all the problems in world, let alone america. but money does have a big impact on humanity now. its true that even with all of the things that seemed "tacky" back in times of 1927 but if we wer to go back to then with at least thirty dollars then we would be able to buy a lot of things whereas if you were to go in a common store like wal-mart or giant eagle you would be limited by how much you have and what you are buying. which effects (depending on what your buying) how you eat or what you wear or even how you live. cause and effect always takes place every second of the day, every hour, every day, and so on and so forth. being the modern person which means youhave a minimum wage job, you pay taxes to the government, you buy what intrests you, and you have the common health, so you probably dont have money either saved up or put into worthy cause things (health, car, home insurence etc..). in turn creates a complicated situation for you and those involved. so with this in mind supports the fact that money has effect on many things.

Kayla- These are some really good thoughts. Again, good job sharing what you think through writing. In this case, I agree with a lot of what you are saying. Lets work on the hardest part of the 5 paragraph essay: organization.

It sounds here like you are proposing a new way to deal with conflicts in the world. Discussion over violence. I think you should introduce that topic and stay to that point. Craft a thesis statement, or an opinion in this case, based on that topic. Something along the lines of avoiding violence through less dependence on money, more equality, and more discussion.

Then, have a paragraph to support each of those: 1) less dependence on money would help bring peace and oil 2) More financial equality 3) And more discussion with our enemies instead of automatically going to violence.

Great ideas.

3)how to make a pizza is rather simple and the results are delisous. first as always you need your ingredents. such ingredents are homemade or premade dough, 1 egg, tomato paste, grated cheese (most likely any kind you want), toppings (pepperoni, sausage, ham, onions, bell peppers, chicken, olives, mushrooms, etc), yeast, sifted flour, and warm water. next preheat your oven to 350 degrees fahrenheit. next sprinkle yeast into a medium sized bowl with 1 1/4 cups of water, until yeast dissolves. afterwards add 2 cups of sifted flour, stir until blended. next knead dough on floured surface for 10 to 15 minutes until smooth and elasic. then place dough into bowl with a small amount of oil. next cover dough plasic wrap and place in a warm place for about 45 minutes or until twice its original size. then after dough has risen put back on floured surface and punch out any bubbles. transfer dough onto oiled pan in 12 inch in diameter and and whatever topping you desire. finally pop it in the oven for 15 to 20 minutes (or until crust is brown and cheese is melted) and when its ready you have a homemade pizza.

2) stepping out the door early morning makes you want to go back in but knowing that what you want is later determined by your destination you begin to walk. you walk down the same street you walked down yesterday and the same street that you will walk down later in life you know that where you are going but it seems to be so far away but you cant help but get the feeling im going to turn around and go back. instead you keep walking. even with the "treacherous" hill that encounters you, you keep going. you climb through chilly weather, through bumps and puddles, but you keep going. still not able to see where your going you continue to walk. then it comes into view the place where people run scatter and go to sometimes do what they want and sometimes to just be there to gain what noting can replace but when it comes into view and you not only feel exsausted but you also feel proud that not only you left but in hard times you didnt turn back. Kayla, you did a really nice job with the descriptive paragraph. I guess I am wondering how much of this is "literal" and how much is "metaphorical." Is there a literal hill, or is this talking about the difficulties and struggles that all of us face in life? Either way, this is a really good paragraph. I like the description that comes through when you say, "through chilly weather, through bumps and puddles.... still not able to see where you are going." I can imagine this scene which means that the description here is strong. There are some grammar and sentence things that can be fixed here. At times, it is wordy and there are a few run-ons that could be cleaned up. We can easily fix this. Very good job and keep writing.

1)i think that obama would be a great speaker to motivate wilkinsburg middle school not because he is the president or because he is famous but because in his childhood it was proven that he did drugs and he did some criminal things and he still made it in life. now not only is he the president of the united states but the first black president ever. obama was much like any typical black male in the past, he did things i bet he regrets and he has made mistakes he wishes he could take back, but regardlesss of what he has done in his past he still accomplished what he wanted to do. he is an inspirtion that just because you have done things in the past doesnt mean you cant do anything in life later on and he is a hero for that. this is why i think obama would be a great speaker to motivate wilkinsburg middle school students.

nice job